I don’t want to write as if I have a good command of English. I feel so unpolished, so lousy, so sub-standard. Sometimes, I try to improve by attempting to sugarcoat my blog entries with bombastic words. I try very hard, but what I write just doesn’t ring a bell. Something is missing and I’ve concluded that I will never be able to make it.
There are so many things in life that I wish I never did. Some within my control, some just happened. It almost seems that I can never stop messing up my life. I hate to be like any other lost kid who writes to ‘Teenage’ magazine asking for help from dearest Kelly, but I know I sound like one now, totally.
‘What about the things you’ve done right and you’ve achieved?’ ‘who cares?’ No, you didn’t get me. I said, ‘Who cares?’
I have many goals in life, but I do nothing to achieve them. I sit and dream and blame the world about my lack of success. Oh what a joke. I abhor poverty. I am poor that’s why I am not successful. Lousy excuse, but good reason to bellow in sadness. Did I also mention that I suspect I am not very clever? Maybe I really need God to help me.
Now, I know I need God. But does God help a bad Christian? If God doesn’t, then I will never be successful. If the opposite is true, then the classic question will never fail to surface, ‘does that mean I can go killing people and ask for God’s forgiveness?’ no and yes, I don’t know.
Why must so many mishaps happen to my family? ‘Count yourself fortunate. There are many out there worse off than you.’ Right. That does not help a single bit because circumstances are imminent and they make me giddy. I am feeling giddy now. Besides, I only ask for a happy, healthy family. Too much?
I’m bored. And I’m boring. ‘Oh no, that sounds bad already. No girlfriend?’
Can somebody, anybody tell me the reason for war, bird flu, tsunamis, earthquakes, divorce, cancer and human politics.
‘Are you depressed, dude?’ you mean I am entitled the chance to be depressed? Wait, what are the symptoms of depression? Nah, I am not depressed. Really. ‘But reading this blog entry tells me something is really wrong with you.’ Really? Haha, you’ve got great imagination.
I’m fine. The World’s fine.
I need Prozac.
Wrong
I seek Solace.
________
Morinaga's Milk Caramel Candy
Have you tried it?
And do you know where to get it in Singapore?
1 comment:
is this the only reason you want a gf so bad? you're searching at all the wrong places. this sounds like a "model-answer" but because i believe this, it's true to me. you don't have to agree with me but i believe God is the only one who can fill the void in your heart. are you dealing with doubt or disbelief? there's a difference. with doubt, one wavers between 2 opinions, whereas disbelief leads to disobedient (read matt17:14-20). doubt is not something God puts in us (read romans12:3)and it comes in the form of thoughts that are in opp. to the word of God. disobedience could be simply giving up when God wants us to press on. anw, i gtg now, in a rush. will cont. this again. just remember that you have the choice to believe.
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