
I was due to write this some time back, but hesitation held me back. On 2
nd thoughts, I’ve decided that I will just write. Here goes.
I like to sing. I know I don’t have the best of vocals but at least I can hold a tune, I hope. I torture my neighbors mostly when im at the comfort of my bathroom. (Actually I sing at almost every corner of my house and I really pity my family.) I’ve discovered a long time back that next to the lift, my bathroom has one of the best acoustics in my HDB block. I feel songs can effectively help emote my feelings. Times when I cannot express myself through words, the music somehow will sync up with within. Naturally in my wildest dreams, I sometimes wish to be a singer, so that I can communicate through songs and music.. It’s so much easier, precise, comfortable.
To be blatantly honest, I know God has blessed me with a voice I know Im satisfied with. That’s why I dream to grow up singing.

3rd September, a couple of Saturdays back, I decided to register and audition in the Chinese equivalent of Singapore Idol, ‘Project Superstar 2’. To me, 3rd Sept was THE DATE. I was excited I tell you. For the 1st time in God knows how many years, I ate no chilli for almost 1 week! (quite a feat) I drunk a lot of water, abstained from fried and oily food. I gulped down 2 pots of chrysanthemum and liang-teh and a tube of lozenges. I sure was excited.
Only a few people knew I was going for it. I didn’t want to tell the whole world then because scarly kenna kick out then very malu. Those who knew were really supportive. They believed in me and told me how they were sure I’d definitely make it through the 1st round of audition.
Thanks:
- Erica and Shaun for attempting to give me a make over.
- Kevin for ferrying me from Tampines all the way to the audition venue (Toa Payoh HDB hub) at mid-night.
- Hong Yi and all those (above 3 inclusive) who got all excited for me, wanted to be my -finance manger and what not, the K-box sessions, recce-ing HDB hub on 2nd Sept midnight and the sms-es.
Truly, I meant it when I told them, ‘with friends like you guys, I feel like a Superstar already.’
I had mixed feelings a couple of days before the auditions. Don’t laugh because I think of the funniest things. I wondered if I really get far and famous, will I have less time to spare for my family, especially my mum and my friends. I questioned my motive of wanting to get through the auditions so much. Did I really do it for the love of singing or am I just another naïve nobody craving for attention, fame and riches. What if I get in, can I cope with fame and the superficial? Being watched every moment, having to fake a smile, not even being able to blog publicly. That sounds bad already.
Conversely, I’d love to do something that will make the people around me proud of me. I’d love to use my voice to (chezsy as it sounds) to instill hope and joy into people’s life. I’d love to make an impact, be somebody.
At the end of the day, I wasn’t able to reconcile my conflicting thoughts; I shove them all under the carpet and reported there at 0700 hrs that morning. Surprisingly KQ and I were within the barricades, about 1st 150 in the queue. At 0800hrs, the queue more than tripled. So we waited under the hot sun, and waited and waited. There were many people, many audiences, many things happening. 6 Hrs later, we were ushered into the holding area where the auditions were held. Just like Idol, I shuffled my feet into the audition room. I was welcomed by 3 I-don’t-know-judges (teevee producers), a cameraman and a couple of miscellaneous people.
In Mandarin, these were my exact words,
‘Hi, im 3625, Marcus Wang.
I 21 years this year and I’ll bring to you Yuan Lai by Lin JJ.’
I did my thing. As I was singing, I tried to maintain eye contact. They were nodding at me and amongst themselves as if they liked what I was doing. I had a good feeling and that boosted my confidence. They didn’t even interrupt me and I ended feeling good. I looked at them intently. They didn’t say anything. They next thing I heard was a ‘tEEeeehhh’ sound. I was supposed to see a red/green light but I couldn’t locate the lamp. By the time I did, the light already went off. I walked out with a blank mind assuming I got kicked out since I heard the green light comes with a ‘ting’ sound.
What I don’t understand is why the judges kept nodding their heads as if in approval. Both my friends who participated didn’t get any nods. They were also cut off before they finished singing their part. I let out the news; my friends were surprised at the failed attempt. So was I, but I stayed calm.
I took the 1st bus that came along and got home. I bought a packet of Nasi Lemak and asked for more chilli. I haven’t eaten chilli for days. After lunch, I took a hot bath and slept. I thought I was fine, not until I started to feel really sad after I woke up. It’s like having a dream but failing to fulfill it. I hate to admit but I felt crushed.
I’ve since gotten over it. I may not be on the route of being a Superstar, but my friends already made me feel like one.
I still like singing.
On my corkboard, a poster of handsome horses reads,
CONFIDENCE
Life’s battles don’t always go to the strongest or the fastest, but sooner or later the one who wins is the one who thinks he can.
________________

Thank You Steve Irwin
for your
Love and Contribution
towards
the animals,
the Crocs
and the wildlife.