revisit

it can be quite interesting to read past entries of your diary/blog. i just revisited some of the things i wrote in my previous blogs. i stand flabbergasted at the atrocities of the standard of my english language and expression then (1st blog - ajesusfreak). i actually squirmed while reading some of the things i wrote! haha.

my 2nd blog (whenhespeaks) saw an improved effort in attempt to write in proper sentences and less cheesy/childish/act-cute expressions. though blog 2 only survived for roughly 20 entries, there were several entries i posted that i think are noteworthy. in fact, i don't even think i am able to organize and elucidate my thoughts with such clarity and structure now. must be the army and its brainless activities taking its toll on me.

here's one penned down last April, almost a year back.


______________________________
Love one another, not irritate..
_________________________

Yet another victim of tactless evangelism.

Let me first establish my stand that this entry is not directing to anyone or an attempt to put down. I’m just stating my sincerest point of view towards this whole issue. I’m trying to prove nothing. Also, before I start, I feel the imperative to apologize on behalf of my brothers and sisters in Christ, to all of you guys who have been offended, pissed or had a bad experience with a pious Christian. I won’t deny that I was guilty of it and am still learning. Ultimately, we all meant well and because you are important enough to us we want to share good news with you. Though sometimes, it appears totally tactless and distasteful.

It is no doubt that it is God’s desire that all will turn from their own ways and return to the Father. This is the very purpose of God’s salvation plan, all driven by Love. Hence, God has called us as to make disciples of all nations (Matt 28:19). I’m for the Great Commission. But, I believe God has a time for everything (Ecc 3:1).

It really pains me when friends tell me their bad experiences with Christians, hence causing them to be disdainful of Christianity.

Me: “Care to share with me what happened? Just curious..”

Friend 1: “Last time I was still in Primary School. I remember one fine day, I was on my way home. All of a sudden, a group of elder boys surrounded my at.. err.. I think its Ang Mo Kio MRT station. Can you imagine how scared I was as they were all towering and older than me. Then they started to tell me about church and God and all. I was really pissed and scared la. That’s why I don’t like when people come and tell me about God and all..”

Friend 2: “You don’t get offended ah Marcus. I really hate that science teacher la. Last time I think I was in Primary 6. My science teacher told my class that there was a science camp and invited all of us to attend. Me, liking science and all went for the camp. Ok la, there was a bit of science here and there. But guess what, a pastor actually came to preach to us during one of the nights. I tell you it really got me so turned off because I feel cheated by my teacher. Bluff us is science camp then in the end actually try to share God.”

Friend 3: “Aiyah. My friend from some church keep asking me to go church. Then tell me how my religion is false and that I will go to hell.. Whah lao.. Then they damn irritating lah..”

These are a few ‘testimonies’ that I’ve heard from my friends and there are so many more people out there who have same sentiments. I was just reading a popular Singaporean blog entry regarding a distasteful incident she had with a pastor and it sparked off many negative replies in her forum.

Yes, it’s the end times and we’ve to be more conscientious in sharing the gospel with our loved ones. But I don’t think arguing our way through and forcing it down our friends’ throats will work. In fact, it has proven to backfire, causing the gospel (good news) to become acts of “hypocrisy and rude infringement of rights”(sounds like bad news to me).

I think what Pastor said is really true. Our lives as Christians are the best testimonies to our friends and family. Who will believe you if you tell them God is good and you’re often seen spouting vulgarities or constantly worrying about issues. However, when we are strong in our relationship with our loving Daddy God, we inherit all the blessings He has for us and will also see an improvement in our character. These are the ‘Fruits’ of the Holy Spirit. A Fruit is an effect of knowing God’s perfect love and grace for us and not our own work. Knowing this Perfect Love casts out all fear (1john 4:18) and indeed transforms us. Then, the people around us will surely see God’s reality in our lives and will want to know our Almighty, yet full of love God. Sometimes even without us testifying.

In saying this, I’m not saying that young Christians or Christians still struggling with issues are therefore not qualified to talk about God’s goodness, because salvation is the greatest miracle and surely God has blessed us in one way or another. However, I think we should learn to be tactful and rely on God’s Grace rather than our talk. Sometimes, it gets so bad it sounds almost like ‘sales talk’ more than sharing a good God that is real and living in our lives. After all, it is God’s Grace that brings salvation. It is GOD that saves, not us. Also, since God has His own time for all things, if a person doesn’t respond well, at least it’s a seed planted. Perhaps one day, this seed will take root and God will work in their lives, regardless of whether or not it is you or me who leads him/her to Christ.

Also, I’m learning to learn the bible in context and not just take one particular verse to suit to whatever I want to know. It is very dangerous. In the same way, I’m also learning to be careful even when sharing with my friends.

I quote this girl from the forum, “evangelism is really one of the ugliest things on earth, in my opinion, and that incident you described is really one of the most tasteless I’ve heard.”

How sad. We as Christians should stop tarnishing and complicating the name of our Daddy God in heaven. In my opinion, it is really a profound yet simple relationship with God. I once blogged about this analogy. Evangelism to me is just like if I’ve watched a great movie, say ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ and I really enjoyed it. I’ll naturally tell my friend about it so that you, my friend can also get to enjoy the movie. (It’s just an example. Fit any movie you like to replace Spongebob Squarepants. Haha.) Simple.

I’m definitely not an expert in evangelism and Christianity. There are still so many things I don’t know and I’m in a process of learning and experiencing God daily. If there are somethings that I’ve said that is incorrect, or if I’ve contradicted myself, pardon me. I’m not trying to be philosophical anyway. I wrote this from the bottom of my heart with no intentions in mind. I just needed to pen down some of my thoughts. I hope you get my drift.

God loves me and knowing Him is a ever life-changing experience.



________
1 year ago.
i said, 'God loves me and knowing Him is a ever life-changing experience.'

1 year later.
i say, '

am i?

this is your life - switchfoot

yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
yesterday is a promise that you've broken
don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
this is your life
and today is all you've got now
and today is all you'll ever have

don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes

this is your life, are you who you want to be?
this is your life, are you who you want to be?
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed
that it would be when the world was younger,
and you had everything to lose?

yesterday is a kid in the corner
yesterday is dead and over

this is your life, are you who you want to be?
this is your life, are you who you want to be?

______
we were meant to live for so much more
have we lost ourselves?

what have you done?
what are you doing marcus?
what are you planning to do?

less than perfect

im not a perfect person,
there're many things i wish i didn't do.
many wrong decisions.

_____

help

word: contentment

phrase: 'if our circumstances determine our fate, then Christ died in vain.'



_______
now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
- Hebrews 11.1

uplift

found myself in church today. before it fades away,

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, ..'
-Romans 8:28

when bad things happen, the smoke screen effects are just temporal.
in fact, we can have a hope (or positive expectation) that all things, all things - bad or good, God will work them out to be good. this calls for rejoicing even when things just get out of hand, we know they will eventually be for us because God loves and i am made completely righteous.




______
block out the sinister lies of the evil one.

gas gas gas

one of the few noteworthy events that happened this month would be attending Chemical Defense training. i used the word 'few' because im not quite a 'green person', hence sometimes i really struggle trying to make my days in camp purposeful. this is also probably why this is only the 1st time im writing about 'work'. frankly, being in green has really made me hollow and dimwitted as much as it has opened my eyes to the realities of the real world. i wouldn't say i haven't learnt anything constructive in there, but if i had a choice, i'd rather not.

so, Chemical Defense (CD) was really fun. it is basically a 2 days course to equip soldiers with the basic skills of fighting chemical warfare in the event of a chemical outbreak. (touchwood) 1st, we were taught how to wear the CD suit and the gas mask. being in that attire made us all look very 'garang' (saf vernacular for up to standard, fierce, powerful, cool, 'sut'), like the SWAT team or Special Ops Forces. for once, i felt like a Polar Bear in singapore. HOT!

To conclude the CD course, we were all made to enter this room known as the gas chamber where tear gas was expanded. inside, we were made to do PT like jumping jacks, push-ups and canister drill. finally, we were asked to remove our gas masks and recite our rank, name and I/C number before dashing for the exit. the objective: to make sure we all had a taste of tear gas.

imagine breathing in chilli padi, choking on it and having it rubbed all over your face. that is roughly how it felt. the effects: a platoon of contorted-face soldiers, tearing, drooling and mucus running all over.

what an experience.


i regret not having any
photos of myself taken
in the CD suit. i found
this photo on someone
else's blog and im using
it for illustration
purposes. interesting,
i found out this guy
is actually a commander
in my camp. what a coincidence.
[acknowledgement]
http://colinchu.blogspot.com/



______
say hello, debit mini.

smurfs

short post.
once, a friend commented that i look like a smurf.
happy blue mousy creatures.




____
time for some classic retro cartoons

drips - panacea cnt'd

the last time i was admitted into the sickbay, i was diagnosed with a >39 degree Celsius high fever and the many other symptoms that came in the package. e.g. flu, infected throat, headache, etc. then, it was my 3rd time on drips ever since i was conscripted.

medic 1: 'you know what?'
medic 2: 'what?'
medic 1: 'the last time i put someone on drips, the guy screamed.'
medic 2: 'haha. think you got the wrong place. that's why pain what.'
medic 1: 'ya, then he fainted.'

both medics then laughed out loud in a hearty manner. note that this conversation occurred whilst they were by my bed, preparing the needles, moments before they poked me with that yakult straw-sized needle. thank God mine got done up quite carefully, slowly by medic 1 and the pain was bearable, but how would you feel if you hear that before the poke?

2 days ago, i was down with fever and likes once again. the 4th drip administered to me and most traumatizing yet.

medic a: 'i very long never do this already leh.'
medic b: 'so you can or not?'
medic a: 'i think so.'

(he proceeded to poke me with that yakult-sized needle. as he was
inserting it in, he hesitated. he started feeling for my vein with
the needle half inserted.)

medic a: 'like cannot leh. how come cannot find again huh?'

(he continued to inch that needle into my hand while maneuvering it
in attempt to 'locate' the right vein, to no avail. so he decided to
give up and pull that sharp thing out. you should have seen the
expression on my face.)

medic b: 'try again la. i do, i do.'

(i uttered a prayer under my breath and i tightened my muscles to
lessen the pain. then medic b poked me again, almost around the same
place where the last needle was previously pulled out. he repeated
whatever medic a did, once again to no avail.)

medic a: 'eh eh, don't pull out. let me try.'

(then medic a took over and tried to help. i could feel he was panicking
already.)

medic a: 'eh, i think cannot cannot. call the MO.'
medic b: 'wait. change hand. we try again.'

(my heart sunk. with whatever life i had left in me, i
displayed my pain on my face and uttered some words.)

me: 'you're not asking the MO help?'

medic b: 'no. MO is last resort.'

(if you were there, you might have seen !@#$%^&* in my eyes. once again,
they pulled out the needle and diverted their attention to my left hand.
this time, medic b finally succeeded as fresh red blood started oozing
out.)

medic b: 'eh hurry up! hurry up! past me the tubes. the needle is in
and he's bleeding.'

im not too sure what happened after that as i was quite traumatized by the episode. i only recall the 2 medics sitting by my bed, referring to a blue booklet that looked like an instruction manual to me.




the 3 red dots that look like
mosquito bites are really holes
that are left behind by the
needles. they are actually
quite big if you see them
real life.


on the same note,
i was never subjected to drips before service as drips were never deemed as necessary in the civilian context unless for serious conditions.

conversely, the military medical officers somehow believe dripping is the panacea to fever and other ailments, next to their favorite prescription: the ultimate Panadol, the small yet magical yellow flu pill and of course the ever soothing non-menthol lozenges.
you can tell i am kidding.

did i also mention that the waiting time at the medical center is an average of minimum 2hrs, regardless of whether you are the 1st patient in the medical center or not. if you just imagined
the crowd to be that of your friendly neighbourhood polyclinic, you are nowhere close because it is much less. (the last time, there were only 5 patients in the clinic and there were 3 medical officers.) trust me, if you're feeling terribly ill, the 2hr wait will definitely cause you to feel so much better. what's best is that sometimes, you spend less than 1 minute out of the 2 hours in the consultation room. yes, i know i should tolerate all these because nothing comes free, and
if they do, don't expect it to come so 'easily'. so much for medical excellence.



___
alas, it'll prick my conscience if i don't
mention that there are medics and MOs
who are really professional.

my cursive penmanship

i dont usually do personality quizzes as i find the results really trite. however, this one is impressive and unique. the final analysis is indeed interesting, though not wholly accurate.

try it at http://www.handwritingwizard.com/
______


For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Marc has left lots of white space on the left side of the paper. Marc fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Marc has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Marc is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Marc would like to leave the past behind and move on.


Marc has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Something is incomplete in Marc's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Marc's sexual needs.

Marc is very self-sufficient. He is trying not to need anyone. He is capable of making it on his own. He probably wants and enjoys people, but he doesn't "need" them. He can be a loner.

Marc has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him.

One way Marc punishes himself is self directed sarcasm. He is a very sarcastic person. Often this sarcasm and "sharp tongued" behavior is directed at himself.

Marc's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Marc that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Marc also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Marc is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Marc's self-concept is artificially low. Marc will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Marc to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Marc is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Because Marc has zigzag'ed shaped 'm' and 'n' hump, Marc is an analytical thinker. His mind sifts and examines facts. He interprets all facts by separating them, breaking them down, and organizing them from a critical point of view. This pattern of clarifying facts contributes to his strong reasoning ability. Marc's mind is constantly analyzing all situations that he encounters.

Diplomacy is one of Marc's best attributes. He has the ability to say what others want to hear. He can have tact with others. He has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Marc can disagree without being disagreeable.

Marc is talkative. He enjoys talking and socializing. He may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. He enjoys speaking.

Most people with a severe leftward slant have some type of childhood trauma they have yet to work through. Since we didn’t actually “see the writing”, we can’t tell if he actually has a hard left emotional slant, but if so… he has issues with trust and it is likely rooted in childhood. Marc has withdrawn into himself. He is reserved and shows his feelings only at times of great anger, extreme passion, or tremendous stress. Marc is an introvert. He makes decisions based on logic, therefore he is rarely impulsive. He doesn't find any need for expressing his emotions. In fact, he probably sees this emotional expression as an unnecessary waste of time. He has a hard time relating to an extreme extrovert, although it is common for him to be attracted to one. Many people do not understand Marc; it is difficult for them to really know how Marc feels. Marc enjoys being alone, and probably prefers working alone. Working with his hands is a pleasure. Marc's basic nature is to look out for himself first. Although he can and does feel emotions, perhaps as deeply as anyone, he just almost always harbors them inside. The first time someone angers Marc, he probably will not say anything to that person at that time. However, he will mentally keep track of everything this person does wrong to him until he cannot hold his emotions inside any longer. Then; Boom! Marc will cloud up and rain all over them. And he will never regret telling someone off, because he knew what he was saying the entire time. He won't impulsively tell someone off. Emotional stories will not sway Marc. He thinks totally with judgment, first considering every situation by the effect it will have on him. Marc needs space and time alone. He will be much more efficient if given a job alone, rather than being surrounded by people.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Marc doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Marc has a desire for attention. People around Marc will notice this need. He may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on his own character.

drips - panacea

the medical officer (MO) said, 'ok, im going to admit you into the sick bay and put you on drips.'

this is the 4th time i am put on drips.


im ill.


______
to be continued when i recover.

secrets exposed

i don't know about you but when i was a kid, i did a lot of funny things that were 'bad' and were never meant to be made known to mom. my sister and i also had these little secrets that were sealed by this line, 'don't tell mummy ok.'

i still remember those times when i was younger, mum was really strict with us and had high expectations for me and my sister. anything less than 90 was never good enough, television was a no no, towering assessment books, spelling, tuition, and the really pathetic 10cents a day pocket money. (yes, 10 cents. Primary School days. we packed bread to school everyday.) of course, as children, we had our own 'creative' ways to beat the system. sometimes we got caught. most times, we escaped the cane and the 'music'. haha.

now that we are all a little more grown up, those tricks and secrets become the funniest jokes i share with my family. also probably because now that we're mature enough to even hold a sensible and thoughtful conversation with mum; the stern, strict and unreasonable dictator mum is someone of the yesteryear. guess this is what they call 'growing up'.

so as i was dishing out all the dirt, my family laughed so very hard.

- copied answers for assessment book homework.
- forged signature when i failed my first ever test.
- exposed some of the lies i told my mum.
- the furniture that i damaged when jumping up and down of them while playing.
- watched tv 'illegally', then used the fan to cool the heated up television set.
- 101 ways i cheated when mum gave me chinese and english spelling.
- we sometimes threw away our squishy packed bread for recess.
and the many many other things we did and how we felt. naughty kid i was?

afterwhich, my mother looking really amused replied candidly,

' i never knew you were so corrupted.'




hah.

______
glad that my family is moving on to another level.
we're now able to talk about issues such as BGR,
birds and bees (triggered off through a discussion
on the NYP handphone sex video saga.),
drinking alcohol, workplace politics and even
clubbing. yea, now mum knows i club and she trust
me enough to not disallow. this is really heartening
don't you think?
:D